CSI: Coaching – Is Your Life a Crime Scene? By Maureen Hewitt

Image   Although I have always been interested in CSI and crime thrillers I never for a moment thought I would end up in a career dealing up close and personal with some serial criminals.  However, looking back over the last 10  years I can see how similar professional  coaching and being a crime scene investigator  actually are.

There is a trail of evidence,  some valuables missing and a very obvious suspect who seems hell bent on avoiding the simple question – “What did you do with your potential?”. Sometimes the suspect in question pretends they  never had any in the first place, some try to blame others for stealing away their opportunity to have any (my parents, the teachers, having children) , some even go so far as to say they ran out of potential, they are finished, fully developed humans and have no room for change! (beware, these are the most at risk to themselves and to others).

I call these ‘potential criminals’.  They don’t always commit the same type of crime – some are career criminals, staying in the same old job year after year totally unsatisfied and underperforming , some are like petty thieves – they steal the dreams and goals of others and never invest in their own future – you can hear them say – “I should have gotten that job”, “I should have married him/her”, “I should have won the lotto not them!”.  Some are very very good at hiding their crimes – they have shiny cars and nice houses and designer suits but underneath it all they are miserable, they are full of self doubt and they beat themselves up for not being happy.

As with any good investigation, you need to gather evidence, study and present the facts

1. When did you see your potential last?

How alive was it ?  a)  very alive        b) barely alive        c) dead as a door nail

2. Put the facts under a microscope?

What were you doing in your past that helped you grow and develop as a person ?

3. Identify the circumstance?

What was going on in your life at that time that motivated you to learn?

4. Figure out how to get it back?

What are you willing to do to continue to learn and wise up?

5. Examine the accountability

If you don’t wise up you will be sentenced to ….

How to avoid a life of crime?

WISE UP, GET UP and SIGN UP for coaching.

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Pain is Optional

As the year soon comes to a close, I am pausing to reflect. This past year has surely been one for the books. The epic battle between all that I thought I knew and all that should be came to a head. Stripped down raw, I found myself in the world of emotions and a stand off was on the horizon between the logical me and the irrational, emotional me. The obstacles were personal and painful. There were days that all I could do was feel the pain and embrace it like a long lost lover. I’d asked myself often, how did I end up here?  No answer ever came to light.

Soon enough, life would set the stage where we would have no choice but to collide. Loss, heart break and feelings of faithlessness, frustration, and anger, all dressed me like a well fitted suit. All I wanted was to be in my comfy sweat pants and t-shirt. Every time I tired to take the damn suit off something else would happen to make it fit tighter. I was on edge and wanted relief. I was tired of the emotions and their shenanigans. It wore me out so I conceded. It was a long battle and something needed to change. It was time to find some sort of middle ground with myself. So, I stepped up to irrational, emotional me and said hello. At that very moment, the uncomfortable suit came right off. The moral to this almost year long story:  Resistance is not a sign of strength but a prolonging of the things that no longer serve you. I held on to my rational, logical self because I had experienced enough change and loss. I needed to hang on to something that felt safe and familiar. There is no safety in thinking when all you need to do is feel. This morning as I write this I am aware that the irrational, emotional me is still very present, I’m just not resisting anymore because I’ve learned that pain truly is optional.

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Deer Medicine

Now that I am settled and back in my own space, time to tell you about that story I promised. Those of you who know me, know that for the past year or so I have experienced a great deal of loss. I am not going to go into detail about all that but sure enough these losses and the wife’s health not being great led me into a place I was a stranger to. I am usually optimistic but so much has gone on in such a short period of time leaving me with an abundance of questions and at times, doubt. Despite all of this, I diligently continue my inward work to heal. I wanted to heal from the inside out because my heart is in great need of repair. To look at me no one outside of what I call my secret keeper, knew the true pain my heart has been struggling with. So the story begins. This past week I had the pleasure of house and pet sitting in the most beautiful, quiet place and I took full advantage. It was right smack in the middle of what seemed to be nowhere with overwhelming silence and minimal distraction. Time to do some work. Through out the week I took moments to sit still, listen and bend. Last night was a stormy one and boy do I love storms. I took some time to be in the energy of the storm then I went to bed. At 1:22 am I was awakened my a big rumble and feeling the house shake! I thought for sure it was an earthquake! So I jumped out of bed like some sort of superhero to make sure all was well in the house and with the cats when I realized it was just thunder. The storm was in full swing. I was on my way back to bed when I heard a voice say, “You need to sit outside.” Pause, as I look around as if I am really going to see someone. I am no stranger to random voices calling about but was this voice not aware that I wasn’t in Chicopee but in the woods in Leverett where it’s super dark and did I mention stormy?! I took a breath and went outside. Within seconds I was soaked but the lightning show was amazing. Where should I sit? I wondered as I looked into the darkness. I can honestly say for the first time in my life I knew what fear felt like. But that’s a whole other story. Sorry, I digress. I thought sitting on metal chairs not a good idea with this storm going on, so I sat on the very wet grass which was amazingly soft. I got into a meditative position because as I said earlier I was very scared to be out there in the dark. Quickly, I went deep into a meditative state. What I experience was amazing. However, the details are very personal. Let’s just say a whole lot of healing took place. Shortly after that I felt myself coming back to consciousness and yes the storm is still going strong. I remember saying to myself, I should really open my eyes now. So I did. Never did I expect to see or experience what came next. As I opened my eyes I started to get that feeling, you know the one where you are being watched. Indeed, I was being watched. By three deer. I sat really still just trusting in whatever was to come next. I closed my eyes once again but not before noticing other eyes in the distance. Eyes closed now, I took a deep breath and just sat as still as I could. These deer came so close to me that I could feel their breath on my cheek. Crying was the only appropriate emotion. For the first time in over a year I was finally at peace. My heart was no longer hurting. This was all very foreign to me. I sat in the presence of these magical creatures taking in their medicine for what felt like hours. After a while I finally felt it was time to open my eyes again and there were no deer in sight. I wanted to call out come back old friends but all the healing was done.

The universe is a vibrant magical place and I tend to dwell in the in between space where nothing and everything live. Today I was healed, loved, honored and respected and most of all reminded of my divine birth right to be alive, at peace.

Deer Spirit Symbols:

Gentleness, Kindness, Compassion, Innocence, Motherhood, Grace, Femininity, Swiftness, Peace, Subtlety, Adventure, Psychic Power, Awareness, Renewal, Acceptance, Connection to Spirit

Ask yourself important questions. Are you trying to force things? Are others? Are you being too critical and uncaring of yourself? When deer appear they are symbols of an opportunity to express gentle love that will open new doors to adventure for you. Use methods other than force to achieve goals, be led to adventure or spiritual knowledge. Accept others for who they are and don’t try to change them. If you’ve seen a Stag totem this power animal will guide you to strength and a renewal of your energies

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Aside

Pondering

Good morning to all. I hope that the world, Boston and Texas are now turning their attention to healing and peace. I don’t normally post stuff like this but I was moved to express my thoughts. We live in an interesting world of so many opinions, beliefs and ideas. It’s what makes us Americans. However, let us not forget that we are human. We are passionate and capable of a great deal of compassion. It is what we need in moving forward. We may never know the true reason as to why people think violence is the answer. We, as a human race, are built to do amazing things and one of the most instinctual skills we have is unity/community in the midst of adversity. I don’t always watch the news but when something like what happened at the Boston Marathon and how two men shut down a city like Boston it brings me pause. As I played witness to the turns of events I kept asking, what is the lesson here? What do we need to be aware of as a people? So I am putting out that question to all of you. When I heard the last young man was captured a great sense of relief came over me with an equal amount of sadness because after all he to is human and some where along the line he/they got lost or where they serving a bigger purpose. So I sit here this morning in deep gratitude for those we lost for their exit was not in vain. May we all find the compassion to heal, in a world far too engulfed in righteousness and hate. Let us shine bright in compassion and grace.
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Tool Bag

The four Agreements

I often remind clients to practice the art of not taking things personal. A skill that puts us all in the driver’s seat of our emotions and reactions. I found myself in great remembrance of  this skill recently. What do you do when you find yourself at the other end of someones emotional punching bag? Our first instinct is to protect ourselves. How we choose to protect sets the tone. So lets keep that in mind. Do we want to go down the rabbit hole? Most of us do. However, When we practice the art of “not taking things personal” you have a tendency to pause, breath and step back just enough to stay detached and have a clearer perspective as to what is going on. OK, so you must be saying to yourself this is all well and good but how do I do this? There is a key component to this and that is to first figure out what type we are. What I mean by that is:

  1. Do we get hurt easily?
  2. Are we reactionary?
  3. Do we have triggers?

These are some examples. We are all unique so add what applies to you. Once we figure out the type we are we can then work from that knowing. Then of course life will present us with opportunities to practice. So with every situation practice, practice, practice. Before long it will be such a part of you that it will happen instinctively.

In doing this work, I’ve realized that I am type 2( Reactionary). Having that information in my tool bag has certainly helped in most situation. I am human, so I have had less than graceful moments. However, each time it gets better and better.  In closing, I would like to  thank the person that gave me the opportunity to practice, so that I might be one step closer to self-mastery.

I wish you all enough.

12-3-2012 7;38;57 AM

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The Center of My Soul

I don’t know if it was the two hour meditation this morning or my will to stop this static that consumes me, but for the first time in a long time, I am feeling hopeful. Can this be the turning point? Or is it trickery just so the fall feels greater? I think I may be in the center of my soul. It is an interesting feeling for I have not been here in some time. I don’t even think these words are my own, but from some far away place that just might be home.