As the year soon comes to a close, I am pausing to reflect. This past year has surely been one for the books. The epic battle between all that I thought I knew and all that should be came to a head. Stripped down raw, I found myself in the world of emotions and a stand off was on the horizon between the logical me and the irrational, emotional me. The obstacles were personal and painful. There were days that all I could do was feel the pain and embrace it like a long lost lover. I’d asked myself often, how did I end up here? No answer ever came to light.
Soon enough, life would set the stage where we would have no choice but to collide. Loss, heart break and feelings of faithlessness, frustration, and anger, all dressed me like a well fitted suit. All I wanted was to be in my comfy sweat pants and t-shirt. Every time I tired to take the damn suit off something else would happen to make it fit tighter. I was on edge and wanted relief. I was tired of the emotions and their shenanigans. It wore me out so I conceded. It was a long battle and something needed to change. It was time to find some sort of middle ground with myself. So, I stepped up to irrational, emotional me and said hello. At that very moment, the uncomfortable suit came right off. The moral to this almost year long story: Resistance is not a sign of strength but a prolonging of the things that no longer serve you. I held on to my rational, logical self because I had experienced enough change and loss. I needed to hang on to something that felt safe and familiar. There is no safety in thinking when all you need to do is feel. This morning as I write this I am aware that the irrational, emotional me is still very present, I’m just not resisting anymore because I’ve learned that pain truly is optional.